The bed is warm and womblike, your feet like buttered toast,
When beneath the covers comes the call, the thing you dread the most.
You’ve only just defrosted and dropped off, or so it seems
And now contrary innards have disrupted your best dream
Your brain is slow to surface: it tries to stay submerged
Within the arms of Morpheus, ignore the primal urge
With the hunk you were convinced this time might really be The One
For reasons you can’t quite work out, is now swimming in the loo
Has grown arms, and hands and fingers, and is beckoning to you
You try to shift position, move a leg, gyrate a hip
Adjust a pillow, anything to give the urge the slip
You want to sleep, perchance to dream of shoes and chocolate cake
But your body is determined, and it wants you awake.
Hands crossed on his bosom like some medieval knight
To wake him would be degenerate, dastardly, a crime
His prostate isn’t acting up. Not yet, but give it time
You lie there, twitching gently, not to wake the slumbering one
As your bladder shouts admonishments of what you should have done
‘I thought I had,’ you mutter ‘just before I cleaned my teeth.’
But your bladder turns a deaf ear, as it screams for swift relief.
Eventually the torture is too much. With a sigh you ease a toe
In the general direction that your bladder wants to go
Stifling a gasp, you put your foot upon the icy floor
An act that aggravates your inner urges even more
You go for speed, teeth chattering, as you rush on your way
No time for slippers, glasses, lights or clothes for you
As naked and myopic you go dashing to the loo
The porcelain is icy: now your poor rear is as well
Can you get frostbite in your cheeks? Only time will tell.
Returning to the hollow that still holds your body heat
You feel sensation creeping down your legs into your feet
Your mind begins to wander as you gently drift away
And ponders things that make no sense but wonders anyway
Is Captain Kirk a Hindu? What do alligators think?
What happens if a caterpillar finds it needs a wee?
Does it struggle from its chrysalis, and suffer, just like me?