“What about that pub over there?” we asked. We had been out for a drive, and we were looking for somewhere to have lunch.
“Oh no”, replied my father-in-law, “It’s far too busy. They’re like sardines round a honey pot!”

That brief exchange started my love affair with mixed metaphors and mangled figures of speech.

Sometimes the origins of mixed metaphors are obvious, and the hybrids are, to my mind, often better than the originals. There appear to be some expert mixers, who know exactly how to achieve the effect they desire, but I find unintentional mistakes are often the most charming. Here are a few of my favourites:

Cutting off your nose to shoot your foot

I’m going to watch you like the back of a hawk

I wouldn’t trust him with a bargepole

This room looks like a pig has hit it

Strike the iron while it’s hot

People are dying like hotcakes

He was up a gum tree without a paddle

Or the glorious “I’ll have to bite the bull by the horns.”

Over the years I have collected gems from colleagues, friends, overheard conversations, radio and television. I have been known to excuse myself, nip into the ladies’ and make a hurried note of an overheard howler on a piece of toilet roll. If anyone asks me if I would like to hear another example, my answer is always, “Are bears catholic?”

Is the Pope a bear?