1. Turn a few things on and off ‘just to make sure’
2. Decide to have a cup of tea while waiting for the power to come back on
3. Realise you have an electric kettle4. Settle down with Kindle to read
5. Realise you should have taken notice when it advised you to recharge it
6. Try to read a real book
7. Realise there is insufficient light for comfortable reading
8. Start to catch up on housework
9. Realise the iron will not work
10. Ditto vacuum cleaner
11. Ditto washing machine
12. Decide to have a shower instead
13. Realise hot water immersion heater will not work
14. Ditto shower pump
15. Decide to write blog entry. Hooray! Laptop has battery!
16. Realise internet connection thingey does not
17. Rearrange furniture
18. Get bored with rearranging furniture
19. Put furniture back as it was – it was better that way
20. Consider getting ahead of the game with cooking dinner
21. Remember the cooker and hob run on electricity
22. Challenge husband to a game of Scrabble on Play Station
23. Remember PS is not gas powered
24. Remember he has not found a second handset anyway
25. Get on with knitting
26. Drop stitch and fail to recover it due to inadequate light levels
27. Decide to get on with project to recover sofa
28. Strip ratty old throw off sofa and wrestle it into a folded pile
29. Remove scatter cushions and put on bed with ratty throw
30. Remove back and seat cushions and put on bed with ratty throw etc
31. Collapse, exhausted, onto uncomfortable, naked pull-out bed mechanism, gasping for a cup of tea
32. Lug sewing machine out from under bed
33. Clear laptop, pens, magazines, papers off dining table
34. Set up sewing machine
35. Realise this is an electric sewing machine
36. Sulk
37. Unplug and pack away sewing machine
38. Sulk
39. Sulk a bit more
40. Re-assemble sofa and force unco-operative ratty throw back into place
41. Collapse resentfully onto ratty throw-covered sofa, gasping for a cup of tea
42. Switch a few things on and off, just in case you missed the power coming back on
43. Realise this might be a long power cut
44. Search for and find mega torch
45. Switch on torch and find it is barely flickering
46. Kick charger unit in frustration and rage
47. Wish footwear had reinforced toecaps
48. Hop about a bit
49. Decide to make some lunch
50. Realise just how valuable the little light in the fridge is
51. Find half a tub of coleslaw
52. Find elderly and infirm tomatoes
53. Cheese wearing a fur coat
54. A tin of squirty cream
55. Four olives
56. Leftover curry
57. Half a tin of dog food
58. Attempt to convince husband and self that this is fun
59. Fail
60. Cut finger while trying to slice stale bread in inadequately lit kitchen
61. Bleed
62. A lot
63. See 38
64. See 39
65. Try to soften butter in microwave
66. Berate self for being so stupid
67. Munch disconsolately on hard bread, stale cheese and soft tomato sandwich
68. Long for a cup of tea
69. Make do with tin of tonic water. No gin.
70. Turn a few things on and off again, just in case
71. Decide to look for candles under the sink
72. Crack head on underside of sink, whilst trying to reach into the back corner of cupboard.
73. Turf everything out of cupboard
74. Marvel at dried out, crusty floor cloths, old washing up sponges, pool of spilled fabric conditioner, paintbrush welded to the bottom of jam jar that used to contain brush cleaner etc
75. Remember that the candles were put in the plastic tub on the shelf by the back door
76. Find banana shaped and flat-on-one-side candles, melted together in heat wave now inseparable, with bottoms that will not sit flat on a saucer
77. See 38 and 61
78. See 39 and 62
79. Accuse husband of lack of forethought
80. Accuse husband of not caring
81. Trip over dog and fall into pile of crusty floor cloths etc
82. Pick self up, muttering
83. Storm across kitchen and switch kettle on
84. Remember power cut
85. Shed bitter tears of frustration
86. Sink to floor among crusty cloths, jam jars etc and wrap arms around puzzled canine friend
87. Assure PCF that it is not her fault
88. Try to ignore suspicious-smelling breath as she tries to lick you better
89. Pull self together and start the laborious task of reloading cupboard contents
90. Scratch head when they won’t all fit back in
91. Reflect nostalgically upon the steaming, fragrant virtues of a cup of tea
92. Feed dog
93. Flick kettle switch, more fidgeting than hopeful
94. Consider descending on friends
95. Decide against it on the grounds of personal hygiene failure
96. Consider going to bed
97. Ponder the merits of having one’s own generator
98. Peer out of window to see if anyone else has power
99. Worry at implied paranoid tendency
100. Fill kettle
101. Whistle tunelessly, and wait …